After a 2 ½ month long winter journey stateside, we have returned home to our mountain community in Haiti and have been here for about two weeks. It has been a good and at times difficult transition, which seems to be the norm. This time around has definitely involved a more difficult “yes” than in the past. We have been stretched even more to hear God’s voice, obey and choose to trust. And let me tell you… it’s been a journey.
We’ve lived in Haiti for around 8 ½ years now and have traveled back to the states as a family almost every year and a half to connect with friends, family and supporting churches. We have become accustomed to the transitions between cultures and all the conversations, questions and feelings it stirs up. But this past trip had so many extra situations swirling around it that the normal conversations, questions and feelings became deeper, more intense and felt a bit more risky.
Haiti has been in rough shape for quite some time, but in the past several years things have gotten really bad in just about every way. Currently the government is mostly non-functioning, gangs are in control of most major roads in and out of the nation’s capital (Port-au-Prince), the police are no competition for these gangs (and there is major possibility that some are connected with them) and kidnappings and vehicle theft are still happening on the regular which means travel is a no go for those who can help it. Haiti is the poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere and with the state of world finances the worth of the Haitian Goud continues to fall. When we moved here in 2013 it was 1 USD = 46 HTG, now its 1 USD = 105 HTG. Prices on all goods continues to increase, and the gangs aren’t helping with this – as they block roads and charge vehicles to pass, transport trucks have to charge more for their loads which means the street prices increase to cover the cost.
So while we were stateside (for holidays and a friend’s wedding) we had all of these risk factors of living in Haiti floating through our heads. Many missionaries have chosen to leave Haiti because of the increased risks and danger, including some close friends of ours in a neighboring village. And then while stateside we received heartbreaking news that a missionary friend of ours (he and his family lived about 25 minutes away from us in another village) died quite suddenly after being sick for a week. He and his family ran a clinic and helped so many people find healthcare in our remote area, but for now that clinic is closed. So we found ourselves stateside with all of these realities swirling around in our minds and the “what ifs” that came with them. It all just seemed like too much. We were constantly trying to pray, process and hear from God in the midst of living in other people’s spaces, having commitments to keep, parenting four, full of life, kiddos and doing our best to plan our next steps while not fully knowing what those should be exactly.
Have you ever experienced a time where you were SO desperate to her God’s voice for direction? Well, that’s exactly where we were (and still are). There were many voices speaking, but the one we needed (and need) was His.
It is His voice that we want to hear.
It is His voice that we want to follow.
In the midst of the confusion we were feeling His nearness and hearing His still small voice leading us back to our home in Haiti. We were able to take a few days of retreat as a family and Jesse and I spent some time in prayer and fasting (and asked our ministry board of directors to join in too). During those days (as well as before and after) God was so kind to confirm clearly through Scripture, wise counsel, prophetic words, past testimonies and His still small voice that we were to return home as planned.
During a time of solitude and prayer I was confessing all of my fears and once again asking God to speak about going home. His response to me was that he already had. He had already spoken in every way He was going to and now I just had to choose to trust. My hope was that if I just had one more confirmation then maybe all of my fears would melt away, but no. The fearful thoughts still came and what I needed to do was to fight through the fear and choose to trust Him.
And so here we are… home in Haiti doing our best to love God, love our neighbor and bring His kingdom wherever we go. We’re doing our best to obey and sometimes for me that means obeying a little bit scared. When the fear comes I get to choose to trust God, declare hope and believe for miracles.
Like I said… it’s been quite the transition and we’re still in the midst of it. And so I ask for your prayers over our family, our ministry and our community and I leave you (and myself) with this verse.
"The Lord alone is our radiant hope and we trust in Him with all our hearts. His wrap-around presence will strengthen us."
Psalm 33:20 (TPT)